Teaching with Chronic Migraines

This year, I was officially diagnosed with Chronic Migraines.  It's something I'd always suspected, and it's something that my family doctor, lady doctor, and chiropractor always alluded to, but I never really let the reality settle in until I finally went to a neurologist a few months ago.  That was after I landed myself in the emergency room.... hooked up to a morphine drip and went through a series of tests to rule out bleeding on the brain or tumors. I guess you could say it was time.

Looking back, I remember having bad headaches in high school, and I remember having tunnel vision and what I would later learn is just one manifestation of an "aura".  My migraines were so few and far between that I never really equated them with the term "migraine".  I just thought I had a really bad headache.  In college, my headaches worsened and became more frequent.   I coped with naps.  Lots of them.  I'd drag myself to class or cheerleading practice before pulling my blinds, curling up in my bed, and encasing my entire body (head to toe) with my comforter.  Sleeping always helped.

Once I started teaching, I learned how difficult it can be to function with a room full of little people when you have a migraine.  By year three, I was getting at least two migraines a week.  I was sent home a few times by my old principal because I the headaches caused me to throw up, and he caught wind of it.  Of course, then I had to drive home in the middle of the day with the sun shining directly in my face for thirty minutes.  It wasn't really all that helpful.  :)

Over the past few years, I have had more and more migraines.  This year has been a particularly challenging year.  I have had more bad days than good days.  Most days, I have a headache.  About 3-5 days a week, on average, are consumed by migraines.  Before I landed myself in the ER, I had a migraine for ten consecutive days.  I could barely even think straight at that point. Every noise grated on my nerves.  Even dim light caused me to squint.  I looked basically like a zombie around school.  Some of my more perceptive co-workers sympathetically patted me on the back and checked in on me periodically.  I was planning on just barreling on through until my aura (the flashes of light and tunnel vision I always experienced) changed suddenly.  I lost my eyesight in my right eye.  Completely.  Suddenly.  I reached up to touch my eye, and sure enough, it was open.  I couldn't see even an outline... not even a haze.  Just pitch black.  It lasted minutes... just long enough for me to begin to question if I would ever be able to see again.  Slowly but surely, I started to see light in the corners, and the black blotchiness slowly evaporated.  My sight came back.  I had another (even longer) episode after that.  It kind of freaked me out to be honest.

After going to the neurologist, I learned that I officially have chronic migraines.  So, what is a migraine exactly?  It's not the same thing as a headache.  Headaches can be caused by stress, sinus problems, etc.  A migraine is a chronic neurological disorder characterized by recurrent moderate to severe headaches often in association with a number of autonomic nervous system symptoms. Typically the headache affects one half of the head, is pulsating in nature, and lasting from 2 to 72 hours. Associated symptoms may include nausea, vomiting, and sensitivity to light, sound, or smell. The pain is generally made worse by physical activity. Up to one-third of people with migraine headaches perceive an aura: a transient visual, sensory, language, or motor disturbance which signals that the headache will soon occur.  The auras actually changes the composition of the brain and cause lesions.  That's the really fun part.

My neurologist has informed me that this is not something that just goes away.  I will probably have them my entire life.  I'm on medicine to help me cope, but it's not a magic bullet.  I still have migraines.  A lot.   Even when I don't have a full-fledged migraine, I will have a headache more often than not.  I just haven't had any ten day marathons lately.  Thankfully! :)  Modern medicine is kind of an amazing thing.  I am slowly turning into the old lady with pill boxes.  ;)

I do still experience a complete loss of vision every now and then.  It's always in my right eye... and it usually signals a coming attack.  I've resigned myself  to the fact that this is my new normal.  Some days I force myself to squint at the computer screen with the brightness turned down as low as it can go.  Deadlines are deadlines, and nobody is going to give me a free pass because I am a chronic migraine sufferer.  So, I dig deep, I say a little prayer, and I try to do what I can.  Some days, I just have to lie down.  Some days, I just need to come home and sleep it off.  Some days it's really hard to smile and pretend that everything is just peachy when my kiddos start trickling into my room.  My new normal is just a little frustrating.  I'd love to feel great every day.  I'd love to be able to go out in the sun or be around my husband while he watches television without wanting to crawl out of my skin because it's so incredibly loud and unnerving to hear anything and everything.  I'd love to be able to think without feeling utterly DULL... and speak without forgetting my words or stumbling over what I am trying to say because I have bout of aphasia from my migraine.  The fact is, this is the hand I was dealt.  This is just the way it is. This is my new normal.

Because I have lost time here and there throughout the year to recuperate, I haven't been that great at responding to emails and keeping up with everything, including this blog.  I am on Spring Break this week, so I plan on catching up on any emails I still have sitting in my inbox.  I promise I'm not trying to be neglectful or aloof.  :)  Have a great day, friends.  Thanks for being understanding!